It’s 1999, I’m sat having a drink with my cousin and a moan about my disappointing love life. It’s a gorgeous summer’s evening, we’re in the garden watching the sunset, the wine is flowing as is our conversation. She’s always found me a bit of a melodramatic in honesty and asks, ‘what is it you’re actually looking for?’ I stop, look up to the pink sky for a second, take a sip of my wine and reply, ‘my soul mate.’ Whilst I think my answer is totally valid and completely justified, she’s roaring with laughter. ‘Soul mate’ she repeats, ‘that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard’ and continues laughing, bearing in mind it’s the kind of laughter that throws your head back and makes you slap the table.

I respond slightly confused as to why she finds this so hysterically amusing, ‘what’s wrong with wanting a soul mate?’ ‘Because they don’t fucking exist’ she screams. My candy world has just been shattered a little bit and we debate for about an hour while I try to tell her that soul mates are real and there’s someone out there for everyone. She tells me how pathetic that analogy is, that I’m completely deluded, and if that’s what I believe I must be really stupid. We lovingly agree to disagree and continue our evening.

Let’s fast forward 20 years and I can honestly say, in this time I hadn’t given up on my belief and had been on the hunt for my ‘soul mate’ whoever that is to this date. It’s been a running joke between us for ever but surprisingly, and in my favour, karma is a bitch. Five years ago she moves to a different town, meets a guy and gets married within months. I on the other hand, am still running around meeting guy after guy with drama after drama, while she’s setting up home with what I would call her ‘soul mate.’ So, who was right? Were my expectations way to high and was she a bit more realistic? Was I to fixated on the actual term itself while she might have just gone with the flow?

How the tables have turned since that beautiful night when she was adamant I was talking shit. I do recall her feeling quite upset when her hubby wasn’t around one New Years Eve and decided to stay home. In my opinion, her heart was hurting without him and she felt there was nothing to celebrate if he wasn’t with her, she was missing the other half to her soul that made her complete. Sounds like a soul mate to me, but to this day she won’t admit it. I ask myself what happens now? Do I stick to my guns and continue this search for the other half of my soul, or do I believe that my soul is complete as myself and a partner is just a bonus that adds to my already complete self? I then wonder why partners label each other as ‘the other half?’ As much as I’ve spent 20 years believing in the term, it worries me that we feel we are not complete without it. I’ve done some pretty cool things as my ‘complete self’ and as much as I was always 100% certain it was what I felt I needed in life, now I’m not so sure? So what do we think? Soul mates – true or false? Nikki x

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